Host Kevin Hart, Jeff Ross, Snoop Dogg, Shaquille O’Neal, Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy, Ludacris, Martha Stewart, and others lined up to blast the young pop star. Here are the amazing results…
“Tonight we’re going to give what his parents and the legal system should have done years ago. We’re going to give this boy an ass-whoopin’.”~ Kevin Hart
“Justin’s Canadian. He’s actually considered American, because no Canadian has ever been this much of an a–hole.” ~ Kevin Hart
“Selena Gomez couldn’t be here tonight. Just because she didn’t want to be here.” ~ Kevin Hart
“He may have turned 21, but Justin will always be a baby to me, since babies [urinate] everywhere and never know when to shut up.” ~ Ludacris
“You bought a monkey! I mean, that monkey was more embarrassed than the one that started the AIDS epidemic.” ~ Snoop Dogg
photo: Chris Pizzello/Invision / AP
“Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she’s dating men now. Is it true you dumped her because she grew a moustache before you?” ~ Jeff Ross
“You are the King Joffrey of Pop.” ~ Jeff Ross
“I’m proud of you. You have it all. You are literally a guy who has it all, except for respect, love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy” – Chris D’Elia
“Justin, as a father of six you have to straighten up, son. Last year, you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-un didn’t rank that low, and he uses your music to torture people.” ~ Shaquille O’Neal
“This kid has spunk, moxie, and a few other STDs.” ~ Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy
photo: Chris Pizzello/Invision / AP
“You need to settle down, bring some balance into your life. Find yourself the right gal, but she’s going to have to really special, someone on your level, someone powerful and famous and rich. Someone you can smoke a joint with or engage in the occasional three-way.
I’m talking about a player in the boardroom and a freak in the bedroom. So, Justin, my final piece of advice is, call me.” ~ Martha Stewart
Yes, the queen of domestic comfort actually said “three-way.”
photo: Chris Pizzello/Invision / AP
Justin Bieber was a good sport during the roast and apologized for his recent string of misdeeds stating, “I turned a lot of people off over the past few years, but I know I can still turn out good music and turn everything all around. I’ve lost some of my best qualities. For that, I am sorry. I’m looking forward to being someone who you guys can all look at and be proud of.”
Biebs’ roast will air on Comedy Central Monday, March 30th!
